James Parkoff

Stockton California-

Around 7:40pm Wednesday evening, Police were called to Roberto’s Liquor on the 100 block of El Dorado St. after reports of verbal threats from a shirtless grape.

“When our Officers arrived, they found Mr. Merlot sitting on a bus bench yelling at passing cars,” said Police Lieutenant Michael Reeves. “Officers Garcia and James then got into a physical altercation with the man when he resisted their efforts to assist him,” he added.

Merlot is White Merlot, cousin to his more famous relative Red Merlot. A native of France, White has a long record of disorderly conduct and substance abuse. A bottle of Round-Up was found at the scene as well as several bags of herbicides on Mr. Merlot’s person.

Merlot was taken to Manteca Medical Center for treatment of minor injuries.

A spokesperson for the Merlot family could not be reached for comment.

Terry Hughes could not be happier.

After nearly five years of waiting, his patience has paid off. On a tip he received from a wine coinsure friend, the 56 year old Bakersfield California man bought a case of Charles Shaw 2005 Cabernet Sauvignon at his local Trader Joe’s. He paid a grand total of $25.61.

“I had pretty good restraint over the years,” a grinning Hughes told a handful of reporters as he left Bakersfield’s Annual Wine Auction in early December. “I only drank two,” he said proudly.

When asked why he splurged on a case, Hughes shrugs. “I trust my friend Jim, I guess. He has had almost every wine under $5.00 you can think of. He is a real coinsure, he knows what he’s doing.”

Local demand for the 2005 vintage of Charles Shaw, considered one of the best, has soared over recent years, with prices toping $3.00 a bottle on sites like Craigslist and EBay. But that’s chump change for Hughes.

Saturday, as Hughes watched in amazement as a bidding war broke out for his ten bottles, passing $3.25, then $3.50, and even $4.00. Finally, local farmer Chad Clark got bold. “$4.25!” he yelled out to audible gasps in the audience. And with that, history was made! The highest price ever paid for Charles Shaw’s famous Two-Buck Chuck!

When asked what he was going to do with his $8.31 in profits after auction fees, Hughes gets an even bigger grin on his face. “Me and Jim, were getting some of that Starbucks!”

It’s a brisk November morning in Kenwood California. Airy clouds brush the tops of the nearby mountains and a light fog hangs low on the dew heavy fields.

The harvest is largely over and most of those who are employed in the wine industry are hide away indoors, doing punch-downs and pump-overs and preparing to press. But not one group.

At the entrance to an estate just off of Highway 12, stands a group of 16 local deer, each with his or her own protest sign. But it isn’t hunting season they are up in hooves about, it’s jobs.

“It’s about work and dignity,” the group organizer (ironically) named John Deer tells me. “They have been pushing us out for years, us locals, and it isn’t right!”

The “they” are vineyard Sheep and in some cases Goats, brought in after harvest to help keep weed pressure down. Many farmers hail it as an environmentally friendly way to do a necessary job. “It keeps our carbon foot print down and helps fertilize the vines at the same time,” area farmer Jim Sutton tells me.

But John and his friends see it differently.

“We could be doing that work, it’s what we were born to do. Instead, they erect fencing to keep us out, like we are some kind of animal, I mean, we are, but a bad animal or something…you know what I mean! It’s as if it never occurred to them that we are hungry and might just be looking for work. We won’t eat your grapes, just let us eat your weeds at a fair wage! Don’t bring in some Domestic animal to do! Those Domestics are ruing our country life!”

John categorically denies that Deer can’t be trusted to do the work.

“Look, a Sheep will eat your grapes if you’re not looking all the same. To tell you the truth, we eat grapes from time to time out of revenge, but we would gladly stop for a chance at real work.”

No Sheep would comment for this story.

He has seen a lot. Two World Wars, The Great Depression, and numerous recessions. He and his friends have gone in an out of fashion as the palate of fickle Americans changed. Now Harold Pendry, a 103 year old Zinfandel Vine, spends his days reminiscing the days of old with his fellow vines at their Dry Creek Valley home in Sonoma.

“I was hoping to retire by 90, 95 tops, but the way the economy has been going, I just can’t do.”

Pendry looked tired and worn down. He had a good harvest and he was clean of fruit, but he was showing the wear of a long vintage.

When asked where he had wanted to be by now he answered “walking on a beach somewhere, playing cards with my pals, just not hanging out in a field all day!”

The recession has hit everyone hard and vineyard managers and proprietors alike are pushing more out of their vines.

“We have done good work for decades,” he points out, gesturing towards his friends who shake their shoots in agreement. “All we ask is a little time to enjoy the efforts of our hard work before we turn back into crop cover.”

As the afternoon came to a close, the vineyard manager wondered over to discuss plans for the pruning schedule later this winter. For Harold and his friends, it looks like one more vintage under the California sun.

He was in a rush. Between getting his kids ready for school, gathering all of his notes for his conference later that afternoon, and trying to keep all of the chores straight his wife had given before she went out of town, the last thing Berkeley resident Dale Chipmore needed to worry about was the jelly for his sandwich.

“When I went to grab the jelly for the peanut butter and jelly sandwich that was to be my lunch, it was all gone” Chipmore explained.

“I panicked, I didn’t know what to do. I was running out of time!”

The 42 year old Media Consultant spent a few harrowing minutes searching through his pantry and cabinets before it hit him, he had the 2005 Napa Valley Zinfandel in his cellar.

“The thing was a monster when I first had it. 15.6% on the label but I am sure it was pushing 17%!”

Chipmore grabbed the bottle, opened it, and spread it on. What had once been an over oaked, intensely jammy and ripe Zin, turned out to be a wonderful jelly substitute.

Chipmore got his kids to school, had a fantastic meeting with his clients, and after a short decant, enjoyed one of the best PB&J sandwiches of his life.